I’m Back. (Please don’t tell me if you didn’t notice I was gone!)

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Hi! Welcome to November! Or as I like to call it, “My reward for surviving October”. It’s been a crazy month and a half. Let me give you the quick recap:

son turned 18, insert feelings of shock, joy and sadness

watched too much college footbalL, insert feelings of thrill and agony

threw son a giant birthday bash, see fun picture below

ingested large amounts of ibuprofen to recover from wearing cute shoes for too long on day of party

finished collecting, sorting and delivering items to local ministries for 40th Birthday Gift-away

had delightful day with dear friend, followed by delightful brunch with other dear friends

you can imagine my surprise when my actual 40th birthday rolled around and there was more celebrating

prepared for conference one and two; conference one got cancelled much to my relief, and conference two was great

spent approximately 10 hours creating the coolest peacock costume ever. Seriously. All props go to my friend Michelle for design. 

listed, sold and delivered like, a million American Girl items locally. Pocketed Christmas cash. Insert feelings of Dave Ramseyness.

helped 18 year old finish college application for early decision. Gulp.

Doesn’t it make you tired just reading it? Of course, I am not the only busy mama, I realize. October is just my tough month- yours might be April or July. Seems like every family has one time of year that is just crushing in its time commitments. 

I have discovered something though. No matter what season I have a tendency to “should” myself about it. When I’m busy I think about how I should have done a better job planning ahead. I should have said no to so many commitments. I should be able to handle stress better. 

When life is more calm and routine the shoulds still emerge. I should help some other busy friends while I have the time. I should be more productive while I have the opportunity. I should be enjoying my down time and not worrying about laundry. 

Isn’t that a delightful little cycle? Too busy- criticize self. Balancing well- criticize self.  Well, I for one am hanging up that hamster wheel. It’s a routine or habit that produces no fruit. I am all for self assessment from time to time. Learning from mistakes and even from sin. But merciless criticism produces the very shame Jesus died to free us from! So here’s a thought: perhaps as we enter November, and we are all more focused on gratitude, let’s take a minute to thank God we can rest in Him. No striving to measure up. No trying to constantly figure out how I could have been or done better in each season. Just resting in the knowledge that He loves me and sees the desire of my heart to honor and love Him back. And even on the days when my heart is seeking my own glory, or self preservation rules, I can still rest knowing this is why my Savior came. And this is why I need Him still. It’s a very freeing thought to know I will always be dependent on the only One who will always be dependable.

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