What Are You Looking For?


Whoever seeks good finds favor, but evil comes to one who searches for it. Proverbs 11:27

I’m not sure when or how it happens in relationships, but without effort against this we all seem to fall prey.  One day I think my husband hung the moon. Then slowly, subtly my focus begins to change. And I wake up years later realizing all I can see are his flaws, his sin and the way he does not quite measure up. The tendency is to believe he has evolved into this new disappointing version I see- but what if…….. what if in fact, I have evolved into someone my younger self would not quite recognize? What if the truth is he has always had flaws, but early on I chose to see the good? And that over the years of bumping into these flaws I allowed my heart to begin to keep a record of these wrongs. And that as I record these failures I am slowly altering my own capacity to love like I once could, to forgive and offer grace and even to see my own sin? What if all along I have been drawing out evil (negativity, complaint, frustration, disappointment)  in my marriage because it’s what I’m looking for?

Is it possible that a large amount of our frustration within our marriages could be resolved by looking for the good in our partner? Choosing each day to wake up and find one thing to appreciate about them? Offer one prayer of thanks to God daily for something good we see? And perhaps as we do this- this conscious good-seeking- we will suddenly be given new eyes to see them with. We will find our perspective shifting and our hearts softening to the gift God has provided. And our ability to love, really love like God does, will be renewed. Because after all, God does not begin each day counting our past sins against us. He does not look at us determined to find our flaws. He sees us as Righteous, because of Christ. He “remembers no more” our past. He loves us as we are- not as we will be.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil- but rejoices in the truth. 1 Cor. 13:5a-6

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