It’s Your Move

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Sometimes in marriage, you just have to decide to make the first move. To get past whatever argument or disagreement or hurt feelings there are, and reach out to reconnect. Maybe you grab their hand, or you begin with some “normal” small talk or you say “I’m sorry”- but whatever it is, the easiest thing is to keep holding back and waiting for them to bring it up. After all, it’s their fault anyway, right? If they had only said (or not said) this, if they would just pay more attention to you, if they would just be perfect, perhaps we would not be in this little mess in the first place.

In chess when one person has gone, they tell their opponent “it’s your move”. This lets them know the game cannot move forward unless the correct player makes a move. Also it’s let’s them know, I’m waiting on you. As in, Move It! (In chess, they are more civilized sounding than I am when waiting on my husband to come to the car so we can leave to get to church on time for example….) But marriage, is not a game. We are not keeping score, there are not winners and losers. At least, there aren’t supposed to be. Either person is free to make a move toward the other at any time. It’s hard to do because we give in to pride and fear. Pride says, make them take that step. You didn’t do anything wrong, or at least not as wrong as them. Fear says, if you move toward them you’ll never reconcile the problem- it’ll just be swept under the rug so you have to pull away until they see it your way or agree you were right. But here’s the thing: Love says, lay down your rights for the good of your relationship. For the good of your partner. In marriage like no other relationship, you have to decide what voice you will listen to- pride, fear or love.

But, remember, you are not the first one to ever take a risk on love. God loved you first. He initiated a reconciliation that you didn’t even acknowledge you needed! The Bible says we were His enemies when he chose to love us. Not only that, but it also says His perfect love drives out fear. When I know I am completely loved by God, I can quit being in fear of not having my needs met, or not being in perfect agreement with my husband. God’s love for me, allows me to love my husband better. If I let it. 

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