It has been almost a month now since my MIL took a turn for the worse with her back. I have lost count of the times I’ve driven back and forth to Baptist Hospital. I am constantly posting updates on facebook, attempting to keep those who love her in the loop on the latest set back or step forward. (although to be honest, it feels like more set backs lately…) It’s been an unusual season for all of us. My teenage sons are rolling with it pretty well. They don’t have the need to connect with me on a daily basis as much as they used to. My little sweet pea on the other hand is starting to wear out. Between mama working and going to the hospital it hasn’t felt very normal for her. Two nights ago she melted down. We talked, snuggled, I put the call phone away so I could just focus on her for a bit and she calmed down.
The next day we went on a mom-Em adventure to explore our town. We has decided we would do some explorations this summer on Fridays, but a trip to the hospital had interrupted our last Friday plan (hence the melt down). So, off we went and had a delightful time, just her and I. Kyler is off at Governor’s School; Klynt was on night two of sleeping over at a friend’s house- so she got me all to herself! We decided to go see an historic battlefield in our town and it was really cool. There was a cemetery connected to it that we went to as well, and it gave us time to talk about how lots of people sacrifice their lives for our freedom, which led us to talk about suffering in general. Em made a comment about war being a horrible thing, and we spent some time just talking about how God always bring good out of suffering. I thought this might be a good opportunity to bring some light to our recent struggles with Gram’s illness, so I asked Emma what lessons God was teaching her in this time with Gram being in the hospital.
I agreed that was a true statement but to be honest I wasn’t quite sure how Gram’s illness had translated into that lesson for her. Still I pondered it all day, thinking how neat it is that God speaks to my children. Then I felt God whispering that truth to my heart. I have been quite tired, running back and forth between job, family and hospital. Yet, I have enough. I want more energy, more time, more resources- but the truth is I have what I need. I have been given exactly enough energy to accomplish the jobs God has given me. Just enough faith to believe God is working this for all our good and His glory. Enough to cover my need, not so much I can become self reliant. The part of me that desires to have more than I need is constantly trying to stock pile security. I’d like to know I have some extra in reserve, just in case what God thinks is enough for me falls short. It’s a daily surrender to allow myself to use up every bit of me, knowing God will give me more at just the right moment. It’s so difficult to trust, but watching God teach my sweet girl that lesson encouraged me.